The Thinking Asexual, “Women, Passion, and Celibacy | Introduction: Celibacy is Not Hereditary” (via cakewithcaroline)
[W]e live in a sexually liberal society, not a liberated one. A truly liberated society is one where sex is value-neutral and not having sex is just as acceptable as having a lot of it.
The fact that asexuals are considered weird, sick, abnormal, mentally ill, repressed, etc is a bold indicator that we are not living in a sexually liberated society but in a liberalized one.
Racial fetish is also different than other types of kinks because it’s not just about a self-chosen lifestyle (S&M, for example), a self-determined action (thanks for making Golden Shower well-known, R. Kelly), or sexualizing a body part (feet fetishism seems pretty prominent). Yellow/Jungle/Salsa/Curry Fevers are about exotification of groups of people based on a part of their identity that they have no control over.Why Yellow Fever Is Different than “Having a Type” - The Bold Italic - San Francisco (via brutereason)
Balancing Jane: Sexual Consent in Pop Culture: Waiting for Consent Doesn’t Make You a Hero (via naomieve)
Not being a rapist should not be a symbol of being a hero; it should be the bare minimum for decent behavior. Refusing to sleep with someone who is too intoxicated to consent or who is being forced into sex because someone is threatening her does not make you a “good guy;” it just means that you pass one of the lowest bars for basic humane treatment.
That these movies are using that act as some sort of shorthand for “hero” is troubling. It implies that these men are doing something extraordinary by resisting the urge (and often it is an urge that they have to resist, especially in the films where they end up having consensual sex with the women later) to rape or take advantage of these women. Ultimately, that narrative helps support the idea that avoiding rape is a difficult thing, something worthy of praise.
The truth is that avoiding rape isn’t hard. If you don’t have consent, you don’t have sex. If you’re not sure that you have consent, you don’t have sex. If you are unable to get consent because of the person’s condition, you don’t have sex. If you get consent and you don’t want to have sex, you don’t have sex.
I’ve encountered people constantly assuming sex is good and that having sex is just something you do in healthy relationships. This creates a situation where, hating sex is a character flaw caused by those terrible sex-negative tropes society presses on you, and obviously only Bad People don’t consent to sex.
That’s rape culture. This is what environments that assume sex is unambiguously a good thing do. Saying, “It’s consensual sex that’s good” doesn’t actually fix the problem. It just creates a situation where you must be consenting to sex, because if you aren’t, you’re not having enough sex and then you’re “sex-negative”.
See, it only fixes a problem where you’re like, “Well I don’t really want to do this right now”. It does not do anything at all to help people who find sex painful. It does nothing at all to help a person who doesn’t want sex, but thinks they do because it’s been so heavily normativized they have to have sex, and have to have it in this specific way. All the, “But make sure it’s consensual!” thing does is tells the person, “Well maybe if you don’t want sex this time it’s okay, but remember you still must be having it some of the time!”
See, to actually fight rape culture you need to say “Sex is always optional. You are never obligated to have sex.” You must always be concerned with consent, and that means you must accept that the answer may very well always be no, despite the fact there’s this belief sex is the greatest thing ever.
And if someone never wants sex, then sex can’t really be a good thing to them, because it’s always unwanted.
Really like this. We need to find ways of transforming real sex positivity to promote choice in sex, not uncritically promote sex itself.
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this is a blog dedicated to representations of consentual sexual practices, sex education beyond traditional narrratives of heterosexual p in v, and making bodies the subject not an object.
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